The Answer

So as she sat there staring down at the knife, she wondered how long it would take for the blood to drain out of her, how long would it take before the pain wore off and how long would it take till she was free of this world…

The blade of the knife glistened in the moon light that shone through the bath room window. Why was she sitting in the dark, why? Coz she was nothing but a coward, that’s why. She did not want to see her reflection in the mirror. She knew that what she was about to do was wrong and she knew how many people she would be hurting but still all this fallen angel could feel at that very moment was pain and longing to be free from the pain. So even if that meant that she was a selfish coward than so be it! So there she sat alone in the bathroom in the dark.

Why was she prolonging this. Was her conscious trying to tell her something?? Should she not be doing this…. No she should, was all she could think. Who knew where she would end up after this, heaven, hell or stuck somewhere in between. All she knew is that anywhere would be better than here….

So deciding not to waste a moment longer she lifted the acuate blade to her wrist and held it there for what seemed like an ertinity. The tip of the blade pierced into her skin and pain over welmed her body as she felt the blood start to trickle down her arm. She started to dig the knife deeper, dragging it down. She could no longer see what she was doing through her tear fulled vision but the fallen angel continued any way.

She could feel herself getting vertiginous when a picture clouded her mind. It was one of happier times. Happier times with friends and family that loved her and friends and family she knew she loved. Memories of happy times started to barrage her head. Feelings of happiness and joy flooded over her, replacing the feelings of pain.
Then new feelings of guilt and shame flooded over her.

What was she doing?!?! What had she done? Had she really been this selfish. She threw the blade down into the bath and grabbed the nearest towel rapping it around her wrist so tight. Yes she had wanted to end this pain but surely one person was not worth all this. Surely her loved ones were way more important than the pain she was about to inflict on them. She flicked on the light and unwrapped the towel. The cut was a long one but was not a deep one and she knew she would survive. It would probably scar her but at least it would heal. At least that was something she could be certain of to heal.

That moment right there she realised that life is what you make of it and if you choose to let someone take over your life than you have no one but your self to blame. Maybe suicide is the only answer for some people but that night it was not the answer for her...

Reality Check

The fallen angel looked down at the photo she held in her hand. It was so ironic that a photo capturing the memory of such a happy time could inflict on her so much pain. She starred down at the photo with tears in her eyes. The more she starred, the more the tears came, until the photo became just a blur.

Two years ago she had been so happy. She had thought she had the best friends anyone could have ever asked for. They had been friends for so many years and gone through so many ups and downs together that to the fallen angel, she considered them as her extended family, if not closer than her family.

But out of all her friends, who she loved all dearly, there was one that meant maybe just a little bit more to her. He was always there for her when she needed him and they had shared more pain, sorrow, love and happiness than any two friends should ever share over the years. He had also stolen her heart (unreturned of course) but even so he still meant to the world to her and to her he was the most amazing best friend anyone could have ever asked for.

But months had past and as life does, things had changed. She couldn’t quite pin point a time where she started seeing the change, it must have just happened over time, but things had changed…

He all of a sudden seemed to busy to see her or to even just chat for a bit. Where as they would often spend every weekend, all weekend together, there social time had turned into quick thirty minute visits.

He all of a sudden seemed to occupied with himself to ask how she was. Where as now everything was about himself. It didn’t matter that the fallen angel’s life was slowly falling apart and she needed him more now than ever.

He all of a sudden turned to other people to console in. What was she not good enough all of a sudden???

He all of a sudden just seemed to not care. Not care that her feelings were hurt that he had stopped including her in all the important things that were happening in his life. She remember a conversation she had had with him many years ago where he had told her that no matter what he was doing or where he was, he had wanted her to there to share it with him. Of course those were all dreams at that time but now his dreams were turning into reality and he was slowly becoming something of himself. And all though she was so so proud of him (even though she always knew he would make something of himself) it just hurt to see that he did not want to include her in his life anymore.

He just all of a sudden seemed to not be there at all.

And even though the angel realised that they were no longer best friends, she took every once of her to stay just friends with him. She was dying inside to see how they had drifted apart and her heart ached for old days and she longed for her best friend to come back to her. But she loved him to much to let him go and decided that if friends is all he wanted to be, than friends it would have to be.

But the months had gone on and it had been so long since she had seen him that she was starting to forget the sound of his voice or even what he looked like. She felt completely empty inside and lost as it fell her whole world was starting to fall apart and she had no one to turn to. She just wanted him to hold her and to tell her that everything was gonna be ok.

But he was no longer there and everything wasn’t gonna be ok and everything was never gonna be the same again. Cos not only had she lost her best friends but amongst it all she had seemed to have lost all her other friends as well. They too had seemed to have moved on with their own lives leaving her behind to fend for herself.

And it was all of a sudden that she realised, while staring down at the photo of the two of them laughing together together that she realised she not only no longer had a best friend but she didn’t have even a friend any more…

A Love Story

There was once this girl that fell in love. She fell so hard she didn't even know what came over her. He would just look at her and she would loose her breath. She had never in her life seen such an extraordinary being in her life. He was perfect...so perfect...it was scary. The perfect smile, long dark perfect hair and perfect mesmerizing green eyes. Everything about him was just perfect It was although God had sent one his angels to live among us. One of his beautiful angels.

This beautiful angel befriended this girl. A girl, who thought she had no place on earth, a girl who thought she was undeserving of love, a girl who thought the world would be a better place without her.

The years went by and as the years went by the friendship grew stronger and so did this girls love for this angel. He was all she ever thought about, he was all she ever cared about, he was all she ever wanted.

But unfortunately her love for him was not returned. And it broke her heart to think she would never be loved by him, she would never have his kiss or his touch. But it was ok as long as he was in her life.

But then one day the unthinkable happened, this angel she had been in love with all these years had given his heart to someone else. It was although her world had just ended. How could he do this to her, he knew she loved him, he knew she would have given up anything for him, he knew she would have moved heaven and earth for him.

She watched him smile every time he would mention their name. She watched his eyes light up when ever they were near. It was although they were his world, what he had been missing his whole life, it was although his world was finally complete.

She was in shock, why did he not feel this way about her, was she not good enough? Was she not pretty enough? Why had she been cursed like this. What did she do to deserve all of this?

He asked her if she was happy for him, of course she lied and smiled and said she was. But beneath the false smile she was dying, inside she was crying. How could she tell him this, she had never seen him this happy, she didn't wanna upset him or even worse she didn't want him to turn his back on her if he knew the truth of how she really felt.

She thought it would pass, she thought maybe he would realise that she was the one he really wanted, but deep down she knew this would never happen. He had known her for so many years and he had never felt that way yet so why would he ever feel that way now.

Time went by and the visits became less frequent, the phone calls became non existent. It was although they were never friends, had their friendship meant nothing.

Nights were the worse, she could never sleep, she would lie in bed and dream of what was, what should have been, she would think of what he was doing right then.

The thought of another one kissing him, the thought of another one touching him, the thought of another one loving him.

They didn't know him like she did. They could never love him like she did.

It was all to much for her, she couldn't take the pain, she couldn't take the heart ache. She decided it was enough and then one sad day she was here no more.

Some would say that this was stupid but then those people had obviously never been in love. If only this boy had loved her back.

If only...