The Answer

So as she sat there staring down at the knife, she wondered how long it would take for the blood to drain out of her, how long would it take before the pain wore off and how long would it take till she was free of this world…

The blade of the knife glistened in the moon light that shone through the bath room window. Why was she sitting in the dark, why? Coz she was nothing but a coward, that’s why. She did not want to see her reflection in the mirror. She knew that what she was about to do was wrong and she knew how many people she would be hurting but still all this fallen angel could feel at that very moment was pain and longing to be free from the pain. So even if that meant that she was a selfish coward than so be it! So there she sat alone in the bathroom in the dark.

Why was she prolonging this. Was her conscious trying to tell her something?? Should she not be doing this…. No she should, was all she could think. Who knew where she would end up after this, heaven, hell or stuck somewhere in between. All she knew is that anywhere would be better than here….

So deciding not to waste a moment longer she lifted the acuate blade to her wrist and held it there for what seemed like an ertinity. The tip of the blade pierced into her skin and pain over welmed her body as she felt the blood start to trickle down her arm. She started to dig the knife deeper, dragging it down. She could no longer see what she was doing through her tear fulled vision but the fallen angel continued any way.

She could feel herself getting vertiginous when a picture clouded her mind. It was one of happier times. Happier times with friends and family that loved her and friends and family she knew she loved. Memories of happy times started to barrage her head. Feelings of happiness and joy flooded over her, replacing the feelings of pain.
Then new feelings of guilt and shame flooded over her.

What was she doing?!?! What had she done? Had she really been this selfish. She threw the blade down into the bath and grabbed the nearest towel rapping it around her wrist so tight. Yes she had wanted to end this pain but surely one person was not worth all this. Surely her loved ones were way more important than the pain she was about to inflict on them. She flicked on the light and unwrapped the towel. The cut was a long one but was not a deep one and she knew she would survive. It would probably scar her but at least it would heal. At least that was something she could be certain of to heal.

That moment right there she realised that life is what you make of it and if you choose to let someone take over your life than you have no one but your self to blame. Maybe suicide is the only answer for some people but that night it was not the answer for her...